WARNING: Contains Adult Content, Foul Lauguage, and Recipes that are so easy, even a dumbass could make them...

Monday, March 26, 2012

What's for lunch?

Not that this is the best example of what I should be eating, but here's what I threw together for lunch today:
(I would have taken a picture to post, but I was so hungry I just couldn't take the time to do it!)

Grilled Chicken with Baby Spinach & Swiss 

6 oz Baby Spinach
Sesame Seeds
1 leftover Grilled Chicken Breast (I had filleted it and pounded it thin, sprinkled w/olive oil and salt & pepper before grilling on medium/high heat for a few minutes on each side).
1 wedge Creamy Swiss Cheese (I use Laughing Cow)
Olive Oil & Balsamic Salad Dressing

Saute spinach in 1 Tbsp of Coconut Oil (or Butter) over medium heat.  Sprinkle with garlic salt, ground pepper and 1 tsp +/- Sesame seeds.
While the spinach is wilting, reheat chicken (I do it in the same pan alongside the spinach).
When everything is heated through, slice the cheese wedge thin and place on the chicken breast.  Serve alongside the spinach. Drizzle both with some dressing and ENJOY!

Seriously, I think this took me all of 5 minutes.

Now, ordinarily I would have sauteed some garlic and onion along with the spinach but I'm not supposed to use either of them.  Since I haven't been following my new "lifestyle" too well lately, I decided not to chance it today.  Have some for me, will ya?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Is that a MilkyWay in your pocket?

It's been a while; I know.  I blog hard-core for a while and them... BAM! Nothing. Nada. Zip.  No recipes. No insight. No awe-inspiring nuggets of much needed wisdom.  Wait... what were we talking about?  Anyway, I'm still here. Lazy, as usual.  But... I have a good reason.  I think.  I was recently (and finally!) diagnosed with Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO, for short).  It's also known as Bacterial Overgrowth Syndrome.  Sounds sexy, no?  I'm not really going to try to educate you on this snooze-fest of a "condition".  It's a lot of bowel talk... you know: gas, bloating, diarrhea.  Plus, I'm still learning about it myself so I don't want to risk dishing out any misinformation.  In simple terms: I have a shit-load (pun intended) of unnecessary bacteria in my small intestine which wreaks havoc on my body causing a host of symptoms like the ones I mentioned earlier.  Now don't go telling me to "just fart" like my husband tells me to.  It's not that simple.  First of all, I don't fart (I mean, really, what lady does??? hehehe) and secondly, it's not really the same kind of gas issue.  The nasty little bacteria (those fuckers!) feast on things like lactose, carbohydrates and sugar and produce gas in an isolated part of the intestine.  The bacteria have a party and blow up my abdomen so much that I can't even wear old maternity clothes.  It also produces side effects like brain-fog, hot flashes, restless leg syndrome, chronic fatigue syndrome as well as a shit load of other fun things.  So after a heavy round of antibiotics, I'm now trying my best to live lactose free, sugar free, low-carb and, as of recently, gluten free.  Yeah, I'm a boat load of fun these days...BUT. I. FEEL. GREAT! Seriously.  I've been struggling with this (undiagnosed) for 16 years and I finally (finally!) have a diagnosis that I can work with.  Yes, it sucks.  Yes, I complain sometimes. Yes, I'll stab you in the face for a fucking candy bar.  BUT... it could always be worse.  I'm learning to really enjoy the foods I can eat.  I've even turned into one of those assholes who makes her own yogurt.  My apologies to any other assholes who also do such things... It's just a little ironic.  I've always believed in "everything in moderation" (IE: Happy Meals do not kill kids. Pepperoni is OK. Sure, you can have a lollipop before breakfast... )  Now, I'm one petticoat away from milking my own cow.  But I love it. I need it. And, I'm in control.  Why am I telling you all this?  Certainly not because I want any sympathy.  I don't handle that well.  I appreciate it; but it's not necessary.  I just want you all to be prepared when I start posting delicious, easy recipes that include VEGETABLES (eek!) and FISH (what, no sausage?). 
My family still enjoys bread, cake, cookies, etc. without incurring any bodily harm from me.  I will never force them to embrace my new way of eating (unless they HAVE to or CHOOSE to), but I do expect them to respect it.  No "ewww, that's gross" talk when I'm eating something they wouldn't choose to experience.  It has opened the doors to some experimentation and I'm proud of that. 
I'm not sure where this new way of life will take me, but I'm enjoying the relief I'm experiencing and praying that I maintain the willpower to continue.  In the meantime, don't be alarmed if you see recipes for things like "Kale Chips" and "Lactose-free Homemade Yogurt".  Aliens did not inhabit my brain.  I haven't gone off the deep end (yet).  I'm just enjoying life... without having to unzip my pants at the dinner table.  And for that, I am thankful. 
Be well, my friends.  And if you see me, you better hide the fuckin' cheesecake. 

PS: At some point, you may see posts like Fuck my life, I want toast! or Slip me a Twizzler and no one gets hurt.  Ignore those.  I'm just venting...